


But I'm Your Dork

by AwesomeWriterOfNerds



Category: Psychonauts, mystery kids - Fandom
Genre: F/M, but it's mostly psychonauts, this has some mystery kids characters in it, which is why I'm also putting this in the mystery kids tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 07:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4996753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwesomeWriterOfNerds/pseuds/AwesomeWriterOfNerds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is definitely NOT how Lili wanted this mission to go. And apparently, neither does Raz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But I'm Your Dork

**Disclaimer: I only own the story and my OCs.**

“Remember Raz; be extra careful with the scans. Most of the people here are psychics, and some of them actually earned their way to be this high up. If the dealer senses us, we’ll lose our only lead and this case is a goner. If anyone else senses us, the two of us will get kicked out of the Psychonauts and the others will end up behind bars. Got it?”

No reply came from her boyfriend.

“Raz?”

Still no reply.

Lili turned to look at her boyfriend, and she sighed. That dork is staring _again_.

To be perfectly honest, this is not the direction she wanted this case to go. It had all started fairly simple enough; when the Mystery Kids encountered one too many normals high on psitanium and destroying a city block or two, they quickly deduced that someone is illegally distributing psitanium to the streets. _Again_.

What happened next was supposed to be a straightforward four-step plan; step one, they trace the psitanium back to the supplier, step two, they wreck the supplier’s shit up, step three, they put whatever’s left of the supplier in the big house, and step four, they return the psitanium stash to the Psychonauts. But that all changed right at the end of step two, when they found out just how big the stash is.

Now, unless another meteorite chock full of psitanium just happened to land on the west coast in the last week without anyone noticing (they looked into that, just in case), there’s only one way the supplier could get their hands on that much psitanium; they got it from the Psychonauts’ vault. At that point, everyone already had a sneaking suspicion of how the psitanium ended up in some gangster’s hideout, and a morally-ambiguous impromptu psychic interrogation later, their suspicion is pretty much confirmed; there is a dirty agent in the Psychonauts, and judging from the clues so far, that bastard is definitely one of the higher-ups.

Unfortunately, with the Psychonauts now spread out across the globe, there is no way they can look into each and every Psychonauts branch for the culprit. Fortunately, there is a Psychonauts grand meeting/party in just a week, and all of the bigshots are guaranteed to show up. Unfortunately again, that means they need someone that can infiltrate the party without raising any eyebrows.

Lili was a little confused at first when everyone suddenly looked at her. But then she remembered that she’s the Head Psychonauts’ daughter.

To this moment she still regretted ever bringing up the party in the first place.

Of course, sweet ol’ daddy just had to go overboard when she told him she’s going to the party. He barely even slowed down when she told him it’s for the sake of a mission. Literally the next morning when she wakes up, there’s a dozen dresses, all expensive-looking, lined up next to her bed. She hates her family’s limitless wealth sometimes.

There is a silver lining in the midst of all this though; Raz agreed to accompany her to the party.

Lili accepted the offer in the most casual manner; she definitely didn’t say yes way too fast and had to backtrack a little or anything. She also definitely made it very extra clear to Raz that this is not a date in a way that is most definitely not subtle at all. Yeah, she’s pretty sure that’s what she definitely did. Raz then made a crack about showing up in a tuxedo and with a limo, and she laughed at the joke.

Come the night of the party, Lili finally forced herself to sit down and choose what she was about to wear. After almost half an hour, she eventually settled for the simplest dress in her dad’s lineup; a deep scarlet, single-strap cocktail dress that reaches down to just below her knees. She puts it on, grumbling and cursing to herself throughout the process, and waited in her room for Raz to arrive.

A short text from Raz notified her that he’s now outside her house. Lili took a peek at the front garden through her bedroom window, and her jaw hits the floor in shock.

At the bottom of her porch, her dork of a boyfriend stood, garbed in a black and white tuxedo, shooting a grin up to her bedroom window like the dork that he is. There was a black limousine parked on her driveway, and it’s not hard to guess who brought that there.

Apparently his line about the tuxedo and the limo was not supposed to be a joke. Now she understood why he looked slightly insulted when she laughed.

Lili shook her head, in disbelief yet amused. She couldn’t believe Raz actually got himself a tux _and_ rented a limo. At least he got Neil to drive the limo, instead of doing something like hiring an actual driver. The fact that the kid was beeping the car horn over and over again to catch her attention helped her get over the shock. Lili straightened her dress, picked up a small purse containing some vital equipment, and made her way to the front door.

But, if she was surprised seeing Raz in a tux, then Raz was completely _flabbergasted_ when he laid his eyes on Lili. He couldn’t even make a single sound for the first ten seconds, and the next ten seconds after that he could only make awkward, half-finished sentences. Whatever theatrics he’s surely has cooked up for that moment was forgotten instantly by then. After a solid minute of silence, Lili rolled her eyes, made her way past him, and entered the limousine. Raz eventually entered as well, silently and awkwardly, and they drove off to the party.

There was an uncharacteristic silence from Raz through the entire trip which Lili found to be quite amusing at first. Occasionally he would steal a few glances once in a while, and then quickly look away when he thought she noticed him staring, but that’s all that he did during the drive. Even when they rendezvoused with the others before heading off to the party, he still stayed silent. By the time the limo arrived at the gates of the venue, Raz’s behavior had went from amusing to irritating, and now, as they are going up the steps to the grand hall, Lili simply can’t take it anymore.

“Hey!” she barked, snapping Raz out of his trance. He quickly averted his gaze, looking at anything that isn’t Lili.

“Raz,” Lili took a step forward, trying to meet his gaze, “we gotta keep focus. In case you forgot, the only reason we’re here is because we’re on a mission.”

“I-I know, but- it’s just- you’re- I’m-“ he managed to sputter out, before his speech deteriorated even further to just a bunch of weird noises.

Lili sighed. He still can’t even talk right. Is all of that seriously just because of a simple dress?

If it is, she silently thanked herself for picking the simplest one. God knows how that dork would react if she picked something else.

“Welp, congrats, Lil! You just broke your boyfriend!” a voice far too chipper for its own good spoke through her earpiece, and she rolled her eyes. She could just imagine the stupid smirk the owner of the voice surely has on her stupid face right now. She then imagined what that face would look like after a good right hook to the jaw. That brought a small smirk to her face.

“And if you don’t want me to break _your_ boyfriend, then you’d better shut the hell up, _Caroline_.” Lili whispered sharply to her earpiece.

“Go ahead. See if I care.” the voice taunted.

“Gee, thanks a lot, Jonesy. You are just positively _radiating_ with an undying love for me.” another voice spoke, a male one this time.

“You know me, Wybes; when it comes to a good verbal face-off, I have no ties.” Coraline spoke again. Lili gritted her teeth. Does she even remember that they are currently on a mission?

“Already knew that, but, like, can you _at least_ try to tone it down or something?” Great, now they’re talking about the mine field that is their relationship. Lili had to suppress the urge to just throw away her earpiece then and there.

“Sorry, no can do, babe.”

“Then we really-“

“Guys, come on, let’s not clog up the comms here.” A different male voice spoke up, much Lili’s great relief.

“ _Thank you_ , Norman.” Lili thanked, as sincere as humanly possible.

“Don’t mention it. Now can you fix your boyfriend so we can get this mission going?”

“Sure thing.” Lili answered, glad that the interruption is finally over. She turned her attention to Raz, who has moved himself to lean against the stairs’ railing while the conversation took place. He was still averting his gaze, fidgeting nervously all the while.

Lili placed herself beside him. She leaned against the railing, facing towards him. “Hey.” she started. When all she got as a reply was a tiny grunt and a quick glance, she continued. “So, I don’t know if you noticed, but you’ve been acting weird the entire evening. And not the good kind.”

Raz slowly shrugged. “Well…” he started, but after five seconds of silence, it doesn’t look like he’ll continue.

“It can’t be just because of the dress, right?” she continued for him.

“Uh… it kinda is…” he managed a small, nervous chuckle.

Huh. So it is because of the dress. Great. Now she’s _really_ glad she picked this one.

“Why?” she asked.

“I-It makes you look… hot, I guess. Like, _really_ hot.” Raz grinned sheepishly.

Okay. There is some truth in that, she admitted. But he’s not telling the entire story; she doesn’t need to be a psychic to know that. “Most guys drool when their girlfriend wears something hot, not freeze up and have a mental breakdown. What are you not telling me, Raz?” she pushed, growing impatient.

For a second, it looked like Raz is going to lie, or at least deny that there is anything more, but when he slumped his shoulders and sighed, Lili knew she would get her answer. “I-I guess… you just look so… _different_ in that dress.”

Lili raised an eyebrow. “Different how?”

“Different, like… like you’re the daughter of the Head of the Psychonauts!”

Lili stared blankly. “… I _am_ the daughter of the Head of the Psychonauts.”

“Well, yeah, I know _that_ \- it’s just…” Raz nervously rubbed the back of his neck and, to Lili’s surprise, finally looked at her in the eye. “… well, most of the time you don’t really _look_ like it, so, I guess, I never really had to fully understand it.”

“What _do_ I look like then?” Lili asked, sliding up closer to Raz.

“Y-You look like my weird girlfriend who talks to plants a lot and likes to be alone most of the time a-and you can be a bit mean sometimes but underneath that you’re actually nice and sweet and to be honest I forgot where I was going with this but the point is I’m crazy about you.” he finally finished.

Lili narrowed her eyes. “ _’Weird girlfriend_ ’?”

“Oh, come on, Lil - that’s what you got from that?” Raz turned so that he was fully facing her. “I just did a heartfelt confession back there! If you’re going to point out every single poorly-chosen word that I say, then we’re gonna need to have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Well, at least he got his wits back. That’s a good thing. Kind of.

“I’m not mad, you dork.” Lili rolled her eyes, but she accompanied it with an amused smile. Her smile grew into a softer one as she looked at Raz in the eye. “Look; herbaphony enthusiast, Psychonaut operative, Mystery Kid, Head Psychonauts’ daughter, your weird girlfriend; that’s all of me. It doesn’t matter what I wear or don’t wear; I’m still me either way, and there is no way in hell am I gonna let anyone or anything change that.”

Her smile then turned somewhat cocky. “I thought you’d know this about me by now.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why I started having those thoughts to be honest.” Raz said while rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re a dork, that’s why.” Lili smirked, jabbing a finger at his chest.

Raz shrugged. “I guess… _but_ …“ Lili raised an eyebrow. No, he wouldn’t _dare_. “… I’m your dork.”

Of. _Course_. He just _had_ to pick the most clichéd reply to that statement. Oh, and he’s grinning ear to ear now. Lovely.

Nevertheless, Lili smiled. “Exactly. _My_ dork. Now come here.” she said, pulling him into a quick kiss.

They broke off, but she still held him close. “You know,” she started with a mischievous glint in her eyes, “if you like this dress so much, then maybe, after this mission, we could head back to my place and,“ she trailed a finger up his thigh, and she whispered, “you could help me take it off so you could get a… _better view_.”

Raz swallowed, hard. “…What.”

A cacophony of disgusted sounds erupted from her earpiece. Damn. She completely forgot _that_ was still on. Whoopsie.

Still, the expression on Raz’s face was priceless, with his eyes bulging out almost comically. She chuckled, offered him a playful smirk, then she made her way past him and continued up the stairs. However, she stopped when she realized no one is following her. She turned to look back, finding that Raz is still frozen where he stood.

“Raz?” she called out, but she received no response.

“Oh no,” Coraline moaned through her earpiece, “did you break your boyfriend _again_?”

What? No, she didn’t. Let’s see now; he’s unresponsive, he’s averting his gaze, he’s fidgeting a lot…

Huh. Looks like she did.

Crap.

This is going to be a long night.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic that I just posted on Tumblr last night. A shipping fic, which is something that I am not quite familiar yet, so this is like a learning experience. Hope you guys enjoyed it!
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated!!!


End file.
